


Against the current

by neogotme



Series: chasing your pretty thoughts [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Cheating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, HEARD Y'ALL STILL WANT SOME ANGST?, M/M, Romance, Swear Words, Toxic Relationship, i luv yukhei im sorry, if you kinda squint, renhyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-10 23:08:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18417785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neogotme/pseuds/neogotme
Summary: Renjun tried to swim against the current of the voices that keeps telling him that he wasn’t enough for someone like Yukhei. But how do you really hold onto someone who doesn’t even bother pulling you up?





	Against the current

**Author's Note:**

> Another angst fellas damn I'm just feeling quite shit rn so why not put it into words right? Anyways enjoy!

It was cliché’ to be honest. The way Renjun fell inlove with Yukhei is like in those typical romantic movies.  
It was a boring day even if it was the 1st day of school, but Renjun couldn’t be even more bothered he hates school anyway. He was trying to concentrate on something when he heard the door opened. There it revealed a guy much taller than him. He introduced himself and sat beside Renjun. 

_Renjun can’t help but look at him._

Brown Hair, Fascinating Eyes and god that _fucking_ smile, Renjun for a moment thanked that person who probably stole the stars and put it on Yukhei’s lips, and stardust on his body creating such ethereal being like him.  
Maybe _maybe_ Renjun was in too deep. But he pushed those thoughts at the back of his mind and looked infront. Stayed unfazed even if his heart almost felt like it wants to go out of his ribcage for beating too damn fast; he was in love.

Sometimes Renjun thinks about the moment Yukhei asked him out, he remembered the moment he thought he might’ve stepped into a parallel universe. But he pushed all those thoughts aside and smiled brightly infront of Yukhei and nodded. 

First dates are said to be always awkward but with Yukhei and Renjun it was different. It felt like they’ve known each other for so long, souls that are meant for each other just waiting to be completed. For the owners to listen to what the universe is trying to tell them. 

 

Renjun couldn’t even be happier to have Yukhei with him and for a moment he thought that Yukhei fits perfectly to the man that he wants to marry someday.  
But of course, just like every romance movies there will always be some kind of downfall. Like when Renjun opened the door to Yukhei’s apartment planning to surprise him for their 1st Anniversary. Not knowing that he’ll be the one who’ll be surprise when he saw Yukhei making out with another girl. 

His tears slowly fell as he dropped the cake that he baked for Yukhei. His body went on autopilot as he ran out of the apartment. He soon realized that Yukhei followed him and held his wrist stopping him from moving. Tear filled eyes looking up the guy that he loved so much. “Love let me explain please” Yukhei said quietly, Renjun chuckled but the way it sounded was nothing but pain. 

 

“You’re really that shameless to have the audacity to call me that don’t you?” Renjun replied sternly looking into Yukhei’s eyes. But even if he tried to put on a persona in front of Yukhei, he was still defeated with Yukhei hugging him while whispering a whole bunch of sorry’s and promises to him.

So he did forgive him. There came a series of sleepless nights where he spent it pacing around his apartment waiting for Yukhei to call him, to tell him that he’s okay and that he just fell asleep. But when he went to school, his friend told him that he saw Yukhei at the bar yesterday hooking up with some other girl he didn’t know. 

Renjun had enough. He went to Yukhei, he slapped him and shouted at him and left like it didn’t affect him at all.

But of course, that didn’t happen. 

 

Renjun went to Yukhei’s apartment, he saw him sitting down on the couch watching something Renjun can’t recognize. He sat beside him and when Yukhei looked at him and smiled softly. Renjun tried to hold back the tears that are forming, he lowered down the volume of the TV and once again he looked at Yukhei who is now looking at him questioningly. 

“Where were you yesterday?” Renjun asked, voice neutral and he tried to ignore the way Yukhei’s eyes widened.

“U-uh I was with my friends yesterday.” Yukhei replied nervously.

“Did you hook up with a girl?” Renjun asked, his voiced cracked as he tried so hard to remain calm. Yukhei didn’t answer and remained silent and looked away. Renjun cupped his face and make Yukhei looked at him.

“Please answer me Yukhei” Renjun pleaded. 

He felt his world crumble when Yukhei nodded and then came Yukhei’s strings of apologies again. But Renjun had enough, he let his hands fall to his side. 

“You don’t know how fucking hard it is to spend my night pacing around the house wondering where you are. Crying because I’ve tried so fucking hard to not let the voices inside my head to get better of me and tell me that you’re with some other person. Telling me that I’ve never been and that I’m never going to be enough for you. Because if you really did have at least a little bit of love left for me the moment I caught you making out with another girl then you should’ve let me go” Renjun shouted, voice cracking from how much he’s been crying. But still his eyes softened when he saw Yukhei crying. He wiped his tears with his shirtsleeves. He felt pathetic for being like this as he hugged Yukhei close for the last time and kissed his temple.

 

“I think it’ll be better for us to just call it off” Renjun said in which made Yukhei cry even more. Renjun went home that day with blood shot eyes, and even more a broken heart. 

He cried his heart out that night. Questions lingering inside his mind asking if he did anything wrong, he woke up the next day with little to no motivation to get up. What he didn’t expect was to see Donghyuck barge into his apartment and jumped on top of him and hugged the living shit out of him. 

He forced Renjun to go out with him. Renjun appreciated Donghyuck’s effort to make Renjun forget about him so he tried to be okay. But when he saw the identical bracelet that Yukhei gave to him and the sight of couples reminding him of the bitter love story he had. He was for once scared of something he can’t pinpoint as he cried once again infront of everyone whom he didn’t even know.

Months of studying and countless nights of crying over someone whom Renjun knew probably moved on now passed by. He convinced himself that he already moved on but he really just can’t. 

“Hey” A voice called out to him getting him out of his thoughts. When he looked at the owner of the voice it was Donghyuck. Donghyuck sat beside him on the bench of the nearby park. Renjun just smiled softly at him and looked infront again

“How are you?” Donghyuck asked breaking the silence

“I don’t really know” Renjun replied quietly

“What really happened between you and Yukhei?” Donghyuck asked, Renjun looked at him apologetically because he knew that his bestfriend deserved explanations after a month or two of vague answers about what truly happened.

“I don’t really know what is there to explain but it was just somehow us forcing the both of us to remain in a relationship that we know is getting toxic. He cheated I know and I also know that the first time he did I should’ve broke up with him but something in me just can’t. I want to continue to love him but it’s almost like he doesn’t want me to do so.” Renjun smiled bitterly.

“You did everything you can, jun. Even gave him the love that you should’ve left for yourself. But sometimes love isn’t really enough to keep going.” Donghyuck replied as he went close to Renjun and hugged him. 

Maybe love isn’t really enough Renjun thought. For giving someone almost everything of you and them to just take it for granted destroys you. It breaks you into pieces until you don’t know where to start. 

Renjun tried to swim against the current of the voices that keeps telling him that he wasn’t enough for someone like Yukhei. But how do you really hold onto someone who doesn’t even bother pulling you up?

Love sure is shit, Renjun concluded.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! And also check out my fan acc on twitter @neostrayexo and criticize me please.
> 
> Song Inspo: [ Shirtsleeves ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5HswEQWMV24) by Ed Sheeran


End file.
